PINKLE TOES PHOTOGRAPHY: all is not rosy. ♥ Austin Baby Photographer

Feeling a little melancholy tonight.  I need to talk. Mind if I share something a little more personal on here? Having successfully nursed two other children into toddlerhood, I’ve carried on that streak to number 3. I love nursing. I’ve never had any problems in doing so.  It’s just been second nature.  It came easily. I’ve never had any issues with supply.

But as I’m sitting here trying to type this out, my daughter is wailing in her swing and to be quite honest, I’m about to break down with her. About a month ago, I made a huge mistake that has put my current nursing relationship at serious risk. I started back on the pill (Loestrin). I was told that there was a *very* small chance that it could affect my milk supply, but because we had a well established relationship, it was very unlikely.  I was on the pill for a week when I noticed the change. My supply had almost vanished completely. Of course, I immediately stopped taking the pill and began a vigorous regimen to try and build my supply back up to where it was just a few short weeks ago.  Fenugreek, oatmeal, pumping, frequent nursing.  I am trying everything, but every afternoon at around 4 p.m., the witching hours begin. She tries to nurse, but if it doesn’t let down fast enough, she gets frustrated. And then eventually, she works herself into a frenzy and I can’t do anything to ease her irritation. I can’t comfort her. I can’t put her down. I suppose I could have my husband give her a bottle, but I really don’t want to do that. I guess she could start on cereal, but I just don’t think she’s ready.

I feel like I’ve always done everything right when it came to nursing my babies, but this time, I am really struggling.  My evenings have become one long battle during a time when I really need to catch up on work so I can devote the daytime to my boys.   I’m not a first-time mother. She’s been nursing (and well) for more than 4 months. Heck, I’ve always been the one to give advice to other moms who’ve had a rough go at nursing. I don’t understand how this has happened.  I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like I’m failing her. I’m so disappointed in myself. I’m frustrated and tired and embarrassed. I miss those days when my sweet baby girl was always rosy.

[ETA: I keep reading this and all of your comments over and over again. It's helping. Thank you.]

[ETA again: problem solved!]

57 Responses to “ PINKLE TOES PHOTOGRAPHY: all is not rosy. ♥ Austin Baby Photographer ”

  1. maria Says:

    ugh girl…. Well, if I may, I think it’s wonderful that you were able to nurse her for 4 months. You are not a failure. You’re being a responsible adult, one who has three children and a business, AND one who is living a tough reality in this economy. My daughter was born with GERD. It was so severe that she got colitis at 6 weeks of age. I had to stop nursing her then. She’s my only one. And I felt very similarly to how you describe you feel. So may you find the comfort in knowing that this is not the only way in which you can nurse and appease and connect with her. She is your little princess for life. She will love you and admire you no matter what. I can only say that because mine has done so for almost four years. May you find strength and some sunshine soon! Maria

  2. Gillian Says:

    Awww, hun, I can totally relate in some ways (the desire to nurse as long as possible – I have three girls and wanted to nurse them forever, but eventually (before a year) the milk supply diminished)… please don’t beat yourself up over this.
    Is there any way you can use the natural supplements that help increase milk supply? I have heard they are amazing … what does your dr. say?
    Big hugs!!!

  3. Justyna Says:

    Hugs is all I can give, but sounds like you need some. Have you talked to a lactaction specialist and doctor or someone who would know more than me? I did hear of that happening with birth control pills. Agh! Try not to stress because it only makes it worse. Just hang in there if you can!

  4. alison Says:

    I’m so sorry! big hugs your way. I always had a hard time at first, then I loved nursing. Oatmeal and lots of water always worked for me, but I bet a nice massage and some downtime would help ease the stress :)

    sending good vibes your way!
    and you are soooo not any sort of failure, girl!!!

  5. Heather Says:

    No matter what I say, I know you will still feel like you are letting her down. I just want you to know that so many of us moms have been in the same boat. So in your disappointment, you are not alone. And I only hope that things get back to rosy (whatever that might look like in the future) as soon as possible. You are such an obviously caring Mommy and your children are supremely lucky to have you.

  6. Rachel Says:

    I am so, so sorry {{hugs}} :( Thats such a tough place to be. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to get your supply back. dont be so hard on yourself, the risk was so small. My son has had periods where he is like that anyways, because of teeth, or just a bad day (he’s 8 mos now). There could be other things in play too, so dont beat yourself up. All you can do is keep doing your best. Keep putting her to the breast and trust your body to react the way it should. Our supply is lowest in the afternoon because we are going and going all day. Make sure to eat lots of protein and drink a ton of water and try to rest when you can. It will be back to normal soon {{{hugs}}}

  7. Melissa Says:

    The return of a cycle was the death knoll for both of my breastfeeding experiences. I always had too much milk, would leak everywhere, I was a regular cow! With my oldest, against my better judgment, I let a doctor who spent 2 minutes with me change my thyroid pill dosage, drastically. 2 weeks later I got my first period. 3 weeks after that I barely had any milk. I tried everything, just like you are, I felt like I let her down, how good I have switched dosages, why did I do that!!!??? I cried, she bit me, a lot. It was awful. Month 4-Month 6 was hard, very hard. At 6 months I just couldn’t do it anymore, it wasn’t working, I couldn’t get it back. With number 2 we cruised along, we were doing awesome. At 5 months old I got the flu, you guessed it, 2 weeks later, period, and back to milk issues. I had a better run with him, things did get back, but I still had to supplement with some formula for that last or late afternoon bottle, as you put it, the witching hour. I made it to 8 months with him. My body seems to operate on the idea of “oh, I could be fertile, we’re cycling again? we’ll screw that kid, it can fend for itself, let’s make a new one and devote resources to that only!” It sucks! I myself cannot take birth control pills, they screw with a heart condition I have, but the it seems the effect is something similar with you. I know tons of people who can cycle and breastfeed just fine, but there are some of us where your body makes a choice, one or the other. . .I don’t like what it chose.

    I think the worst part was going from too much milk to just barely meeting or failing demand. It wasn’t a gradual weaning, it was bam and you are done. Both times I cried over feeling my body was failing me, like I was failing my baby. Both times I beat myself up, why did I change pills, why did I go to that stupid playgroup and get the flu???? What was I thinking!!??

    Truth of the matter is, you are doing everything in your power, you didn’t try to sabotage your breastfeeding, it just happened. If you have to, make someone else buy that first canister of formula, it is hard. A lot of people with low supply supplement that last bottle at night and go to breastfeed 12 months plus. She’ll still get the best of you, and you won’t be stressed out. I know it seems like a horrible thing, it’s hard, but you both can’t spend each night crying. Keep trying, but know when to ask for reinforcements. Besides you might find big brothers may be very entranced with helping with that last bottle. You love her. No matter what you have to do to get through this you will not fail her, she will be wrapped in your love.

  8. Jen Says:

    Gosh, I feel for you. I had my 3rd baby last year, and, like you, I had a baby girl after 2 boys. All I can say is that nursing a girl was totally different than with the boys. They never had any nipple confusion or other issue, and I never had any issue with my milk supply, even after going back on the Pill. However, it was just different the 3rd time around. I struggled to keep up with her demand, and she refused to take a bottle until she was 7 months. My milk supply dwindled at times, and I was having to nurse her every two hours. I had loved my previous breastfeeding experiences, but I began to hate it. And I felt guilty and angry and disappointed in myself. But a friend comforted me by simply saying, “You’re doing a great job.” I know it seems hard to hear, but by nursing her for even a week you’ve given her a great gift, and to make it to four months is an accomplishment. Hang in there. If you have to wean her in the best interests of you both, she will still be healthy. She will still be your baby. You’re doing a great job.

  9. Jayme Says:

    Don’t ever feel like your letting your daughter down… you nursed and are still nursing and a lot of women won’t or can’t nurse… so pat yourself on the back. And as far as your supply, as others mentioned… talk to a lactation consultant, they may be able to help. To ease her, just breastfeed her until she can’t get anymore and give her a small bottle afterward. As long as your still feeding it will keep your milk coming but the extra bottle will help her stay full.

    It might not be you… she may just be going through a growth spurt and want more than you can give her at the time. A good friend of mine’s mother is a lactation consultant and she always mentioned that they have growth spurts at certain ages… wish I could remember. Just hang in there… your a great mother.

  10. Kristen Says:

    Hi!
    I have been a frequent reader of your blog and feel SO much for you! I am sending good vibes and prayers your way. By the sounds of it you are a wonderful nursing mom so give yourself credit for that – such a wonderful thing you are doing. I truly hope things turn around for you!!
    Have you tried the herb “blessed thistle” – this is supposed to do WONDERS. …as well as Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (although I have taken the supplements, as the tea is too diluted to get ENOUGH especially when you truly need to increase your milk supply!). My sister is a holistic nutritionist and highly recommends BOTH.
    …take care and try to hang in there just a little longer. :)

  11. Lacey McKay Says:

    Don’t give up Michelle! You can get it back! Stress will decrease the supply even more, so focus on happy thoughts, drink lots of water and eat plenty of food. Slow down and focus on relaxing your whole body during feedings. If you tense up, the milk won’t come. I’ve always heard that breastmilk is like tears…the more you use, the more you make. If you start cereal or formula, you will make less milk unless you pump. In the afternoons, take her into a quiet room and focus on her. It also helps me to visualize the milk flowing. Good luck!

  12. cheryle Says:

    This is funny timing, Michele, as I was just saying to my daughter how you’ve been a great role-model for breastfeeding women. You’ve spoke of your nursing relationship very matter-of-fact, as if everyone is breastfeeding – as it should be. So, thank you for feeling so comfortable with yourself and publicly sharing the past four-plus months as a breastfeeding mother.

    I’m sorry you’re experiencing this tough time with Amry and your breast milk supply. Hang in there, you’re doing all the right things to re-establish your supply, it’s not over, just a stumbling block; a management issue that can most definitely be resolved.

    You know, Amry might naturally be fussy around that time of day, regardless of your supply issues. Many babies her age find late-afternoon/evening a rough time and fuss for a number of mysterious reasons. Sometimes they’re teething, or over tired, or as you mentioned, simply impatient with the work involved with nursing. Try to avoid giving her anything other than breast milk, you need her to nurse, and she’s really not ready for solid foods.

    Try distractions (baths/outdoors/drives/dad) and avoid broken naps when possible. Maybe too much dairy in your diet?

    Hang in there, you’re doing a great job! Your family is awesome. ;-)

    Cheryle
    LLL Leader-25 years

  13. dawn sparks Says:

    Michelle, you are such a neat person! I experienced the same thing with my 3rd. It’s like you don’t want to have an accident and yet you still want a good relationship with the hubby..there is just no good option! I got off of the pill too b/c of milk supply and b/c it totally depressed me. I pumped in the witching hour and then fed him what I managed to pump in a bottle. Of course only the mack daddy medela pump would do. I’m sure you’ve thought of everything but that’s just my 2cents. I finally opted for the IUD and if you can handle the cramps it’s a decent alternative to the pill. Sheesh, as if pregnancy and childbirth isn’t enough work without the added stress of choosing the right birth control!

  14. Kristie Says:

    Oh, Michele, I don’t have much in the way of advice, but I am sending some big ole hugs your way and will be saying some prayers too!! My hearts breaks for you. I think you are doing a FABULOUS job, actually better than FABULOUS job at mommy-hood!! Don’t give up!! You are one INCREDIBLE woman, who I truly admire!! Hang in there, sister… and as my mom always says, “this too shall pass.” Lots of xoxoxo coming your way!!!

  15. Sharon Says:

    I am no mom.. I will be the first to say this (obviously I have no children) but I can promise you.. just by reading your blogs, you are not a failure in any way.. you are an amazing caring and loving mother and person! Keep your head up, and know that sometimes things just happen.. you get through them and you become stronger, wiser, and have a better understanding for what ever you were supposed to learn about your self through this… and it will be a positive experience! Keep smiling, shooting, loving and caring.. and don’t let it defeat you! Cheers!

  16. Kelli Taylor Says:

    You do the best that you can, it’s all you can do.

  17. Rachel B. Says:

    I wish I could be with you right now and give you a hug. My 4th child and I had a similar situation. He refused to nurse on the right side. My left side simply could not keep up with his needs after he was around 5 months old. I eventually had to give him formula in addition to nursing. And of course soon thereafter he no longer wanted to nurse at all. I sobbed right along with him when he would cry because I was already empty- and he hadn’t gotten his fill. I felt horrible- and frustrated- “why can’t I nurse him the way I nursed my other three? This isn’t fair to him!” I would think. Eventually I gave in to the fact that I had done my best. And that my boy would be ok. I also found out about the abnormal cells in my right breast thanks to him. It will all be ok.

  18. Shelby A. Says:

    I didn’t read all of the comments so someone may have already mentioned this, but when my milk was low my doctor recommended “Mother’s Milk” tea. I was skeptical but bought some at the herbal store and was completely amazed that it seemed to work for me. Maybe that’s something that you could try if you haven’t already. Good luck, and try not to get too down about it!

  19. Devon Says:

    I am a new visitor to your site but I love it!!

    Much love and hugs… do try to stay positive, getting really down in the dumps will only make it worse :(

    There are some great forums on mothering.com, I don’t know if you’ve been over there, but they seem to have answers for EVERYTHING nursing-related!

  20. Pavlina Ortiz Says:

    Oh my, I am so sorry you are having troubles with BFing. I have no advice but few recommendations that might be helpful. I had my two boys at home and I nursed them for over 2 years so I understand how much you want to maintain your BFing relationship. I am also a huge fan and a believer in homeopathy. We tread EVERYTHING in our home with homeopathic remedies. There is NO place for drugs in our house. Here’s a link to an amazing homeopath and a lactation consultant that might be able to help you. She has given me a great advice once and i am sure she’d be happy to help out. Homeopathy is very powerful and might be exactly what you need right now. http://www.patriciahatherly.com/index.html Also look into a remedy called Lac Materna. It’s made with human breast milk and might save your milk supply.

  21. Beth Says:

    Hang in there, babe. I’m thinking about you and I think it’s just like they said. A stumbling block, not the end of the road. I know it feels horrible when our babies are inconsolable and there’s nothing that we can do. But we’ve all been there before and so have you. Get a snack and some rest and see if it gets better. I’ll definitely pray for you guys. I know you feel awful, but you know you’re a great mom doing the best that you can. I’m so sorry it’s been a bad day though.

  22. Cierra Pera Says:

    I’m feeling you girl! I’m 3 months into my third nurser and my heart breaks for you. Most everything that everyone has been saying here is right on. And I’m sure it’s everything you already know. If every other session is going good and it’s just the 4pm one that is slim I would not stress. Most of us have our lowest supply at that time and the crabbiest babies then too! If you have been off the pill for a while I would guess it’s out of your system and you are back to where your body wants you. It can’t fight the supply!

    Cheryle is so very right. As someone who has nursed for almost 6 years I would copy/paste what she said in her third paragraph. My supply has no issues and 4-5pm is always a fussy time for my three AND they all got their first teeth at 4 months! (well the baby isn’t there yet but I am sure he will be like the girls).

    Mostly just remind yourself that nothing but nothing will stop you from nursing and this is just something that will make you stronger. I’m sending you good thought and lots of love.

  23. Annie Says:

    Oh gosh. Such an emotional struggle.

    What would you tell someone else if they told you this scenario? Be kind to yourself. Breastfeeding is wonderful when it works, heartbreaking and frustrating when it doesn’t. Sometimes it helps to step back and look at the big picture, of a lifetime of parenting decisions. If you have the energy to keep trying, then do. But if you feel spent and you’re both frustrated every night, that’s important to pay attention to.

    (((hugs))) (Just weaned my 10 month old a few weeks ago. Tough decision.)

  24. Staci Says:

    I really feel for you. Not being able to do what you want and know is best. :-( However, I had a breast reduction when I was 19…and wasn’t even thinking about breastfeeding. When I had my first child, I worked with the lactation consultant & everything seemed to be working okay for the first week and then, my milk didn’t stay. I had a industrial pump, I did everything my lactation consultant told me to do…and it just didn’t work. When it was depleated…my daughter was screaming and crying and hungry. :-( I was really upset, too. But, I had to bottle feed her. She needed to eat. And then when my son was born…they came out with organic formula. Definitely not breast milk…but I felt a little better that even though I couldn’t nurse, I still had a choice in formula. I used glass bottles and did the best I could with what was available to me and what I could control. I hope everything will work out for you. Not being able to nurse does not make you a bad mother, nor does being able to nurse make you a good mother. Doing what you can for your children and doing the best you can with what you have makes you the best mother. We always wish we could do more for our children…just don’t feel so disappointed in yourself. You have 3 beautiful children! And your daughter will not be disappointed in you when she grows older that you couldn’t breastfeed her longer.

  25. Michelle Says:

    I hesitated to comment because I’m only a blog stalker and it appears that you have about a million comments but its a subject that’s dear to my heart.

    With my first baby nursing was a struggle from the get go. latching on was a disaster until about 2 months… and then right when everything seemed to fall into place, I, for no known reason lost my milk supply. I was devastated. I hadn’t fought this hard to give up but alas, she screamed every afternoon when my supply was at its lowest…

    But I write to say that we OVERCAME it. I refused to give in to giving her a bottle and about a month later I had an abundant supply to satisfy her needs. I nursed exclusively until 7 months and continued nursing for another 6 months. I know it doesn’t always work out that way but it did for us and I want to be someone that communicates hope in the midst of hardship… I am now currently nursing my 3rd baby and I can relate to how you must feel.

    PS I started taking Calcium vitamins at the suggestion of another nursing mom near the time things really “turned around.” I can’t link the refreshed supply to them directly but she swore by them and my supply returned shortly after that.

    Good luck.

  26. denise olson Says:

    I give you lots of hugs for being able to go 4 months nursing. For all three of my children I wasn’t able to nurse, and felt like a complete failure. It took my doctor to tell me, that it was OK….nursing alone doesn’t create the bond. if supplementing at night is what you need to do to keep the baby girl happy and fed, then do so. Its OK. xoxo and lots of hugs

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  28. marta Says:

    I think you know I am an avid nurser too. My last was 16 months when we forced him off :). I know you are strong, and I know if anyone can hang in there and try for a bit longer you can. How long have you been off the pill? It can just take a bit more time. The cluster nursing should really help but it will take a solid couple of weeks to get that supply going strong. And I promise giving her a suppliment bottle will not stop her. Especially if it is just one a day. My 2nd child was born at 11 lbs. I had nothing more than one feeding for him for nearly a week (too big, milk not in yet, you get the picture). So they gave him little cups of formula after I would nurse him, just to fill his belly up. He nursed fine for 12 more months. I hope it all works out, I know you and I am sure it will. Your hormones need a little more time to get back on track.

  29. Leah Jent Says:

    I know you already have a ton of encouragement, but I just wanted to add mine to the long line of hugs and pats on the back. The most important thing for you to hear is that you are not failing her. You have done great; you should consider yourself a superhero. I know how horrible I felt when Noah would have an intestinal blockage (he has an inherited disorder where part of his colon didn’t work), and they wouldn’t let us nurse for a whole week while he was in the hospital getting it all cleared out. It was horrible! I hate feeling that disconnect from my son. I know where you are coming from. It will get better, and she will be okay! She’ll be better than okay, because she has a mom who loves her more than anything and wants the best for her. I know things will start looking up soon.

  30. Margaret Says:

    My dear friend,

    I so hear you, and feel your pain. I was in the same place at 4 mos, when I completely lost my milk supply because I was fretting about Ellis’ head to toe writhing eczema. My body said, either milk or worry, and the worry lead to a breast infection, and in one day it felt my entire house burnt down (milkwise). But after an intense month of rehab (Blessed thistle, pumping 10 hours a day, supplementing donated milk from other mommas), the milk came back and we are still nursing at 16 mos. This too shall pass, and you will look back to and admire your resources and courage as you decide how to cope with this challenge.

    If there is anything I can do, please call anytime, any day!

  31. Margaret Says:

    I have an incredible lactation consultant friend who saved my nursing life, if you would like a referral she would be happy to talk to you on the phone. She is very wise, compassionate, and resourced!

    PS – Awesome awesome work on your maternity images!

  32. Amanda Says:

    We are so hard on ourselves over nursing. It is such a difficult task and we beat ourselves up so badly if all does not go well. I have war stories about nursing my daughter…with her health problems, it took us about 4 months to get nursing well established, and once we did, I could never do it exclusively. This probably won’t make you feel any better, but our pediatrician told us that nursing to 4 months was best and anything beyond that is just a bonus. I know I am being a total hypocrite by telling you not to be so hard on yourself about it, but seriously, you have done a great job with the breastfeeding and will continue to be a great mom to your little girl regardless of whether you can continue nursing.

  33. Kirsty-Abu Dhabi Says:

    You’re clearly doing an amzing job – nursing a child is one of the toughest things I’ve ever done – the ups and downs and good days and bad days of something that you’ve done before and is supposed to be so natural can really throw you. Hang on in there – this time will pass and your babe will be thriving, all thanks to you! xxxx

  34. kristi Says:

    better advice than I can offer ( by far!) has already been given. {{hugs}} my dear friend…

  35. Danielle Says:

    Don’t beat yourself up!!! You are doing all the right things! I don’t know that I can help – just like you I had great experiences with the first two. I am nervous that things won’t go as easily this time and I was on the fence about the pill — you have sealed that one for me now!! Hubby will just have to keep away for at least a year ;)

  36. kimberly adkins Says:

    Hi there,

    I feel your pain. We have 6 children and I have nursed for a total of 7 years. Even tandem nursed our 3 year and newborn. With our most recent, I started the Nuvaring, even though my doc said it could decrease my milk supply. I assumed that I had more experience than Nuvaring clinical trials and went ahead.

    Unfortunately, I had to give our little Ashton a bottle within a week because he was hungry and I had no milk, even after I removed the ring. Even pumping didn’t help and he now takes only a bottle! Made me very sad, but there was no going back after he started the bottle.

    Good luck to you! Hope you can get your milk supply back up!

  37. kimberly adkins Says:

    Let me also add that you are not a failure, even if you (and your baby girl) have to give up nursing. You do what you can do at the time you need to.

    I read a blog the other day where a mom felt like a failure because she was thinking of giving up pumping (exclusively, no less, because her daughter wouldn’t actually nurse) after 8 months. What a success to have continued for that long! How good of a mom you are is not determined by whether you pump, nurse, bottle-feed formula, work or stay home, etc. Your little one happy and healthy is all that matters!

  38. Harper Jones Says:

    I know it’s hard.. believe it or not I’ve been following your blog for over two years and my son was born the day after your baby girl. I loved the fact that I could secretly follow along with someone else’s close pregnancy progress. And after the birth follow along with the manic that is the camera and a new baby. I was so happy that I was not the only one obsessed with baby toes and that my little boy wasn’t the only one that had jaundice. I can now honestly say that I KNOW and FEEL your pain… I was given the exact same pill. Loestrin, for breast feeding mothers, it should be Lose-trin! I lost my supply and had to go to wake the grouchy hubby at 3 am for a trip to the nearest 24 hr. Wal-mart. I will hope and pray that yours returns, because after feeding my daughter for so long and not being able to have that same bond with my son… it just kills… But, know that you did the best you could and that you were able to feed her for that long.

  39. Amber Says:

    Oh! I know that horrible, horrible feeling. I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but I’ll tell you what brought my milk supply from literally 8 ounces a day to more than my daughter could handle in less than a week: It gained me some weight, but I was able to lose it easy enough later. I switched to drinking whole milk, and I drank A LOT of it. It kind of “kick started” my body into making enough milk. I probably drank a quart or more of whole milk a day. Once my supply was up, I could cut back to 2% and less, but I still drink whole when my supply dwindles. Just a thought. And good luck!

  40. Jeannete Chirinos Gold Says:

    Michelle I totally understands you, this is my 2nd baby and you know he was born 1 day before you little girl, I’m nursing him too, I love to nurse, I hate bottle (seriously) my older boy was nursed for the first six month and then he started with soups and juice and no bottle at all, always breast feeding besides those meals :) is so great when you can nurse them…
    and with this baby I’m on the same way…… I started my pill hen he was 2 months old and it did not affect my quantity or quality, I ussually drinks lots and lots of water instead of anything else, water helps you a lot.
    But don’t feel bad, keep giving her what still you have, remenber as much as she suck more milk will come out and drink tons of water.
    She’s very beautiful and healthy girl, you should be more than proud!

  41. Vinita Says:

    Just saw this post..Sending you hugs and good chill vibes! Hang in there girl..You are such a sincere person,whose giving things your best and your daughter knows that…:)Thinking of you and sending you allthe strength!

  42. Gina Says:

    This always happens to me around 3 months…try to drink lots and lots of water. I think it’s because I get busy again around that time because I can. They’re established, you have more energy so you use it and there’s less energy to make breastmilk. I’m talking a gallon a day. See if that helps. Hope so. Cheer up, you’re a good mommy because you care. :)

  43. Christina Says:

    Have you tried to pump or hand express a little milk before she wants to nurse? that would help your let-down a little faster. I didn’t have a chance to look at all of your comments but here is the La leche league page on milk supply http://www.llli.org/NB/NBmilksupplyissues.html You can even call someone in your area for additional support. It will probably take a bit of time to get your supply back up. I would pump or hand express every 1-2 hours. so sorry :( i hope you are feeling better & I hope something I have said has helped. The other thing would be to try and relax as much as possible before nursing, it will help with your let down, she will notice your stress too and that won’t help.

  44. Angie Says:

    I hear ya, girl. My #1 and #2 were easy – #3 was not. But despite the numerous struggles, we made it to a year. Whew. I know that guilt and failure/frustration you feel. {{hugs}} You’re not a failure as a mom!! I feel like life with 3 kids is SOOO demanding, and I’m not even attemping a photography biz!! ;)

    I know you have plenty of advice here, so please forgive me if this is a repeat. The frequent feedings may be leading to the witching hour would be my guess. You may know all this, but it may be she getting frequent light calorie feedings – so if you’re still worried about supply, you’d need to feed her every 3 hours or so, and pump in between those times. And if she’s still fussing with that 5 pm feeding, try pumping first to get the milk to letdown, so she’s not so upset.

    There’s my 2 cents. I hope it helps, for what it’s worth. I’ll be praying for you these next few days – you’re doing awesome, no matter what happens.

  45. Mee Maw Says:

    I found this blog to be particularly emotional for me, not only as a mother, but as YOUR mother. I never got to enjoy the nursing experience so I can’t tell you that I know anything about what you are feeling….I don’t. What I do know is that you have not failed anyone! Amry has gotten a huge boost by having the luxury of a successful nursing experience over the last 4 months and she is very happy and very healthy because of you. At some point, soon, you will have to make the call and you will have to know in your heart it was not only the right thing to do. You did your best and if anything, was able to prolong her nursing experience due to your constant and neverending endurance and strength. Most mothers would have given it up a long time ago, but you have conquered many challenges and been very dedicated and diligent and can be very very proud of that. Amry will be just fine and you should find comfort in knowing those 4 months you two shared have made her strong and resilient and she’s gotten remarkable benefits from that. Hold your head high and proud little momma, cause you are a fantastic mother and anyone that knows you or sees you with your little lambs know you have a remarkable mothering gift and have put it to good use. The proof is all around you! You have an awesome group on the blogs here and they are truly one heck of a support network. You also have me and Nee Nee and without a doubt, you have to know and find comfort in knowing we send you nothing but good thoughts and prayers and continue to admire your courage with all of the challenges motherhood had to offer. In our eyes, you are a shining star so let it shine! We love you and want you to know we are here always for you and those beautiful children.

  46. NeeNee Says:

    Dito. I can only hope to be as good of a mother someday as both you and our mom someday. You both have such love, understanding, and patience that amazes me each and every day. I’m having a moment *tear*.

  47. Carrie Says:

    I don’t have anything to say that has not already been said, but I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, so I have to reply. Hang in there. Nursing is something that is near and dear to my heart. My son I only was able to nurse for 4 months, my daughter I have been nursing 7 now. It’s not always easy. I have gone through multiple strict diet changes and and even started eating meat for the first time in 9 years. I think that is why it is so rewarding, it can be a struggle. Hang in there. As beneficial as breastmilk is, a happy mother that is enjoying her children, is even more beneficial.

  48. Aseel Says:

    Awww, Michele. Lots of hugs to you! I think you are doing all the right things. Don’t beat yourself up. Hope your supply comes back up or your find a solution that works for you and your baby.

  49. Patti Brown Says:

    Okay, I rarely have time to cruise blogs, but as a pt4p’r, and as someone who has experienced similair struggles, I just had to offer a word of encouragement.

    Of course we all want to have ideal breastfeeding experiences, but try to remember that you’re already giving her the most crucial form of nourishment that a baby human needs: her mother’s love. Nobody will ever care for your child the way you can and nothing can replace the love you show her. So if you decide that it’s no longer working, please know that it’s just your milk – it’s not your love. Hope that makes sense. – PB :)

  50. Hester Pettipiece Says:

    I just have to say that it is wonderful to see someone still so willing to breastfeeding. I see read about your problem and can relate. If you are upset and stressed about the sittuation your body and your baby can feel it and know it. This can very often negativly affect your milk let down and supply. I might suggest something that helpd greatly with my son. A little befor that feeding time that she gets so frustrated try taking a bath with her. I do mean with her fill up that tub and just saok with her, get the bathroom at a warm temputure block out all the noise and stress and just have mommy baby time. This will help relax you and your baby and with the bath and skin to skin it will help stimulate milk and let down. Anytime you are stressed try something calming with the both of you and hopefully this will help. I know it is not always easy with other kids but after a week or so it should get better. i am proud of you and will keep you in my thoughts. Good luck.
    Hester

  51. Sandra Harris Says:

    I feel your pain and went through this with Christian and Leah. Finally with Emmie my breasts figured out what they were put here for! (In spite of what Wayne may think, lol!) Fenugreek never worked for me, nor did the blessed thistle or mother’s milk or whatever other herbs I tried. However my doc prescribed a drug that is normally for reflux but the side effect is increased milk production and it increased about 7 fold! It’s called Domperidone and was shortly thereafter outlawed in the US due to some very bad research. The drug is totally safe and after that I started mail ordering it from Canada (yes, I realize now that that is illegal:( Do some research, it may be back – who knows. There is another drug that does the same thing, Reglan, but it has nasty side effects so I don’t recommend that one. I spoke to many lactation consultants about the Domperidone and it is very safe and effective and highly recommended by that field! Good luck sister, I’ll be thinkin about ya :)

  52. Jack Kaye Says:

    Hang in there Michelle! I’m not a mom but I’ve heard all the heartbreaking stories from my relatives and friends. I know you feel like you’re letting your baby down but you’re really not! Just by looking at your photos anyone can tell that you do more for your kids than just giving them breastmilk you give them a safe and happy environment to grow up in, you make sure they feel loved and that’s ten times more important than anything else they could get from you. You’re doing your best and that’s what matters, the fact they you are sharing this story just shows how much you care for your baby. I hope everything works out for you! Good luck :)

  53. surya Says:

    i had a similar experience with my daughter (my second) – i found that once she was at the freaked out place from my slow let down/small supply getting her even close to my chest made it worse. something that worked for me was a bait and switch of sorts…calming her with a pacifier (swaddling), or getting her to sleep – and once she was relaxed enough, nearly asleep making the switch back onto my boob or just trying again once she woke. I also found talking to a lactation consultant really helpful. Other big factors were being emotional about it – once I got to a place where i accepted that she was different from my son, her needs were different, her style of eating different and that she was doing okay despite our challenges things seemed to improve. finding my happy again and working out were a big part of that too – i.e., stress reduction, diet and drinking lots of water and mother milk tea. hope things get back on track soon.

  54. PINKLE TOES PHOTOGRAPHY: PINKLE TOES PHOTOGRAPHY: Austin Family Photographer ♥ Austin Photographer Says:

    [...] totally overwhelmed me with your support and advice and genuine love over my nursing woes with my baby girl.  I know I was having a bit of a pity party that day and in retrospect, I feel incredibly silly [...]

  55. johanna Says:

    I’m sorry I was away when you posted this and I haven’t read through all the comments and don’t know your current status – that said, I have a good friend that is a lactation consultant, but more important a wonderful caring person that would be more than willing to help, if possible. Please contact me and I’ll put you in touch with her. I hope right now, everything is going wonderfully and you’re nursing your beautiful baby girl again like you want to be doing…

  56. karri (thewebcat) Says:

    When my son was 7 weeks old, my appendix burst and I had to be hospitalized for 7 days. During that time I was being given so many drugs that I could not nurse. Needless to say, my supply was nearly gone when I got home. On the bright side – it DID return. The best thing I found was spending as much time SKIN to SKIN with the baby… hang in there and do supplement if/when needed. It won’t hurt anything. Two other recommendations by Lactation consultants to boost supply were tea and beer. If nothing else each would help you relax! ;-) Good luck! and big hugs!

  57. PINKLE TOES PHOTOGRAPHY: PINKLE TOES PHOTOGRAPHY: Austin Baby Photographer ♥ Austin Photographer Says:

    [...] She’s still nursing. Hard to believe. [...]

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